Being Love Language Bilingual: Learning to Speak Each Other’s Love
If you’ve ever taken Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages quiz, you probably know your top love language — and maybe your partner’s too. But here’s the thing: knowing each other’s languages isn’t the hard part. Learning to “translate” between them is.
Most couples don’t speak the same primary love language. One person might feel loved through words of affirmation, while the other feels loved through acts of service or quality time. When those differ, it can feel like you’re both saying “I love you” — just in completely different dialects.
That’s where becoming love language bilingual makes all the difference.
Speaking Different Love Languages
In their own marriage, Robert and Estrella discovered just how different these “dialects of love” can be.
Estrella’s primary love language is words of affirmation — nothing makes her feel more loved than hearing appreciation or encouragement from Robert.
Robert’s primary love language is acts of service. He feels most connected when Estrella helps with tasks, plans something thoughtful, or simply makes life easier.
So when Robert brings Estrella coffee in the morning, it might not “speak” her natural language, but she’s learned to translate that act as his version of “I love you.”
He’s showing affection in his language — and she’s learned to hear it.
Why Translation Matters
When couples miss this step, love can get lost in translation.
One partner might be quietly expressing love in the way they understand it, while the other feels neglected because it doesn’t register.
It might sound like:
“You never say anything nice about me.”
“What do you mean? I do things for you all the time!”
Both are right. Neither is being heard.
Becoming bilingual means realizing your partner’s expressions of love may not look or sound like yours — but they’re love just the same.
How to Build Love Language Fluency
1. Learn Each Other’s Native Tongue
Take the quiz together (or revisit it if it’s been a while). Talk about what makes each of you feel loved, not just what you do for each other.
2. Translate Before You React
When your partner does something kind — even if it’s not your preferred language — pause and ask: Could this be their way of saying “I love you”?
That moment of translation changes everything.
3. Practice Speaking Their Language
It might feel awkward at first, but effort is everything. A partner who struggles to say “I love you” aloud but tries anyway is showing love just as much as one who folds laundry to help you out.
4. Appreciate the Effort, Not Just the Fluency
When your partner makes an effort to speak your language — even imperfectly — acknowledge it. Gratitude builds momentum.
5. Keep Evolving Together
Love languages aren’t fixed forever. As seasons of life change, so do our needs. Check in with each other now and then: “What makes you feel most loved lately?”
💬 Try This Together
Each of you write down your top two love languages, then answer these three questions:
What’s one way I show love that comes naturally to me?
What’s one way you show love that I sometimes overlook?
What’s one small thing we can each do this week to “speak” the other’s language?
Then, put it into action for the next seven days. At the end of the week, talk about what moments felt most meaningful — and why.