Are You the Hero or the Victim in Your Relationship Story?
How Your Energy Shapes What You Experience
We all fall into patterns—stories we tell ourselves about who we are and how life (and love) treat us. Maybe yours sounds like this:
“I’m always the one giving more.”
“Nothing I do ever seems to be enough.”
“I just attract the wrong kind of people.”
When you think this way, it can feel like life—or your relationship—is happening to you instead of with you. You might start reacting instead of choosing, waiting for things to change instead of creating the change yourself.
But here’s the truth: how you show up energetically determines how your relationship feels. You can’t always control what happens, but you can control the energy you bring to it.
The Two Energies That Shape Every Relationship
Catabolic Energy (Draining)
Fueled by fear, frustration, or resentment
Sees your partner as the obstacle or the problem
Makes you defensive, impatient, or emotionally checked-out
Keeps you replaying the same conflicts on a loop
Anabolic Energy (Constructive)
Fueled by curiosity, compassion, and self-responsibility
Helps you see challenges as opportunities to grow
Builds empathy and emotional safety
Turns “me vs. you” into “us vs. the problem”
When you shift from catabolic to anabolic energy, you start showing up as the hero in your own story—the one who brings awareness, calm, and creativity even in tough moments.
Awareness: The Turning Point
Awareness is what breaks the victim loop.
When something triggers you, pause and ask yourself:
“What energy am I in right now?”
“Am I reacting from fear or choosing from love?”
“What story am I telling myself—and is it even true?”
That brief pause is where power lives. It lets you choose a response that reflects the kind of partner—and person—you want to be.
💬 Try This
For one week, practice noticing your energy during moments of tension or stress.
Write down:
What triggered you
What energy you felt (draining or constructive)
One small shift you could make next time
You’ll start seeing patterns—and with each moment of awareness, you’ll gain more influence over how you show up in your relationship.
From Victim to Victor
You can’t control your partner’s reactions, but you can control your own energy.
When you lead with presence, empathy, and accountability, your relationship starts to mirror that energy back to you. That’s how transformation begins—from the inside out.
You don’t have to change who you are. You just have to start noticing how you’re being.
That awareness turns you from a passenger in your relationship into an active co-creator of it.