The 7 Faces of Blame
Things come up that negatively disrupt our lives and the status quo. We all have many tasks and responsibilities that we juggle every day. We are all moving about the world where accidents and the unexpected can find us. With so many balls in the air, one is bound to fall occasionally. How do you react when that ball hits the ground?
In working with couple in our Premarital Counseling and Marriage Coaching programs, we have found that there are seven ways people respond to these disruptive events, which we call The 7 Faces of Blame:
The Accuser: A person that performs an elaborate forensic analysis to determine who – other than themselves – can be blamed. Placing fault on someone else is more important than resolving the issue, even if the issue is clearly their own creation.
The Diffuser: A person who quickly and proactively blames themselves even if the issue at hand had nothing to do with them. This is done subconsciously as a means to diffuse the situation, and the person is eager to claim the blame if it might achieve this goal.
The Absorber: A person who consistently and passively accepts blame directed at them, absorbing it even if they had nothing to do with the issue. The confrontation is just not worth it.
The Justifier: A person who spends more time trying to explain, investigate, and justify why the issue happened than in finding a solution. They are not trying to deflect blame or blame anyone else, but merely to drown it in details.
The Bouncer: A person who spends more time deflecting – or bouncing – blame to sources outside of their control, preferably some inanimate entity (“the bank”, “the electric company”, “the traffic”, etc).
The Avoider: A person who avoids blame by trying to laugh it off, or pretending the issue doesn’t exist or that it isn’t all that important, for as long as possible.
The Solver: A person who’s first focus is solving the problem at hand. They are not interested in placing blame, but will circle back around once the problem is solved to find the best way to prevent the problem from being repeated.
Invariably, when problems arise in life, dwelling on blame only serves to delay the solution and harm relationships. When you hold a mirror up to yourself in a time of disruption, which face is looking back? Are you ready to become “The Solver”?